


Behind the Mask

by xcristinar



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: First Time Meeting, Happy Ending, I dont know how to tag, M/M, Masquerade Ball, lucas pov, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-11 03:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcristinar/pseuds/xcristinar
Summary: Lucas was almost forced to attend the Masquerade Ball at school. His friends are the best he could ask for. But they can also be the most persuasive people he knows.At some point in the middle of the night, he is kind of tipsy from all the drinks he had to try to get through the night. At some point, Lucas finds himself on the dance floor dancing along with someone.He is absolutely intrigued by the tall guy in front of him. Perhaps he’s in love. His heart is making all those kinds of flip-flops inside his chest. And the way the other boy is looking at Lucas with those beautiful aqua green eyes isn’t helping is cause at all.Lucas’ problem is that everything he has from that night are some hazy memories of those piercing marvelous eyes and a kiss his lips were craving since forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Song: “You Say” by Lauren Daigle

**_Friday evening_ **

Lucas doesn’t have an actual reason not to go to the party. He just isn’t in the mood to deal with all those people. He’s exhausted from all the homework and exams from this past week at school. His brain feels like it turned to mash. Right now, he is craving a good night of sleep to try to forget the vile world outside. He knows he can’t run forever from all the bad things in it, but he can, at least, try to postpone the situation.

When Lucas decided to come out, he was ready to do so. He definitely was. He feels good about himself and accepts how he is. His friends are very supportive of him in every possible way. But truth to be told, he wasn’t expecting people to be uncomfortable around him just because of his sexuality. It’s not like he was from another planet.

At school, Lucas feels all the eyes on him as he walks by the hallways. The whispers about him are always there. Sometimes even when nobody knows he is hiding in the bathroom. It is becoming unbearable.

He doesn’t care what other people think of him. But it is becoming too much for the small boy to handle. Lucas knows he has to keep staying strong. But, for how long?

When Lucas finally gets home, he heads straight to his bedroom not even caring about who might be or not in the living room. Today was one of those days when he just wanted to get home and be alone. Lucas leaves his backpack on the floor beside his secretary and just launches himself on the bed. At last, a quiet moment away from everything and everyone.

Lucas bedroom is like his sanctuary. It’s rare the occasion when he lets someone in, even when it’s just to have a small talk. It’s not like he kidnapped someone and is hiding the body under the bed. He just likes to have his privacy and personal space.

In his pocket, his phone keeps buzzing. How hard is it to have some peace and quiet in his life? His friend have been messaging him trying to convince Lucas to attend the damn masquerade ball the student association decided to throw! Can it be even more ridiculous?! Lucas sighs getting his phone out.

 

**Yann**

Come one, Lucas!

You need to get out!

Even if it’s to go to a stupid ball!

 

**Basile**

I swear if you don’t come, I’ll get you myself!

And I’ll also drag you if I have to!

Have you imagined how many hot guys will be there?

 

**Lucas**

Don’t even go there, Basile.

I’m fine the way I am. I don’t need someone right now.

 

**Arthur**

You say that now, Lulu!

What if you find someone interesting at the ball?

 

**Lucas**

...

I don’t even have a costume to take to the ball guys!

Have you thought about that?!

 

**Arthur**

So don’t we, Lulu!

That’s why we are all going shopping tomorrow!

 

**Yann**

Come on, Lucas!

It’s gonna be so much fun!

We can even buy matching costumes!

 

**Basile**

Exactly!

 

**Lucas**

That’s a no no, Yann!

If I’m gonna buy a costume, I want it to be unique.

 

**Arthur**

Does that mean you’re coming?!

 

**Lucas**

Just text me the time and place.

 

Lucas lets his phone fall somewhere on the floor, letting it buzz with messages. He loves his friends. He really does. They can be ridiculous and completely dumb sometimes, but he loves them to death. And it is almost impossible to say no to them.

Frustrated that his plans for the weekend include a freaking ball, Lucas heads to the shower. Thankfully, the bathroom is unoccupied, so he quickly gets rid of his clothes and hops under the streaming hot water. Lucas just stands there, feeling his muscles soften. It’s like all his worries are leaving his body. He doesn’t know how much time passes since he stood there. But now, his head is starting to throb like a hammer. He quickly soaps his hair and rinses it in no time, but then the freaking water starts to get cold. The small boy grabs a towel and dries himself, gets dressed and heads back to the bedroom.

Once under the sheets, Lucas closes his eyes and hopes for a better day tomorrow or at least not so stressful. The headache is still there, but he hopes it goes way soon enough. While hugging his pillow, Lucas drifts off to sleep trying to get rid of the cold and hoping that he’ll find someone who will hug him at night and make him feel safe.

  

**_Saturday morning_ **

Lucas wakes up with an alarm and groans feeling his head still a bit weird. Rolling to the side, Lucas turns the alarm off and closes his eyes again as his head hits the soft and warm pillow one more time. You can say he’s a bit grumpy, but who isn’t on a Saturday morning? All he wanted was a peaceful weekend. But he couldn’t let his friends down.

Already at the mall, Lucas is trying to keep up with his friends. He sometimes wonders how they have so much energy at such time in the morning.

“Hello, Lulu! Did you sleep well?” Yann asks enthusiastically as he pats the small boy on his back.

“Could have been better if I didn’t have to wake up so early to by a costume!” Lucas said as a joke, in spite of sounding somewhat spiteful. Blame the fatigue.

“But then we’ll have a beautiful costume, you know?. We’ll be the most beautiful ones in the whole party!” Arthur’s beyond excited with the whole shopping thing.

“Just imagine all the girls we are going to get!” said Basile intervening as well but immediately having all the other guys’ gaze on him. “And boys, of course!”

Lucas just nods his head breathing deeply. “Let’s just getting this over with, before I change my mind.”

Lucas tries to keep up with the boys. Each one choose a bunch of outfits and kept trying on one after the other. Lucas is already tired of just being here watching his friends getting all excited. They keep checking if the apparel fits in front of a big mirror making stupid poses.

“Which one are you getting, Lucas?” Yann asks as he heads back to the fitting room changing into another suit.

“Something simple. I don’t know yet.” Lucas replies as he keeps scrolling through his notifications on his phone not paying any attention to the boys or to what they are wearing.

“You’ll have to pick one costume quickly or the good ones will all be gone!” Lucas hears Basile from one of the fitting rooms.

Arthur is sitting by his side on the small sofa near the fitting area already with his uniform. He seems worried about something but also afraid to speak up. Lucas tucks his phone in his pocket and tries to get minimally comfortable on that sofa.

“Lucas, I know you’re not really into this kind of event and that you’re going mostly because of us. And I really appreciate it, I really do! But I also want you to have fun.”

“I’m sorry, Arthur. It’s just that I have so many things in my mind right now and a party isn’t exactly what I had in mind for the weekend.”

“Exactly because of that, Lucas! You’re always stuck at home. You don’t wanna hang out with us anymore. I know you have a lot in your plate right now. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun even if it’s only for a few hours. You deserve to be happy, Lucas. To be free. But those things won’t come to you if you keep hiding away in that bedroom of yours.”

Lucas thinks hard about that for some time as he feels Arthur’s eyes on him. Breathing in and out slowly, Lucas feels himself calm down.

“Guess I'll need an exquisite tux then!” Lucas says with a smile on his face, feeling Arthur give him a strong hug. Arthur is right. He needs to live his life without being afraid that something might go wrong or not the way he expects. Also, it's not the end of the world if life takes a different path. Different doesn't necessarily mean bad.

Lucas spends, at least, half an hour looking for the perfect outfit. Not to shiny but also not to blunt. He wants something simple but beautiful and unique. His friends are trying to help him, but they just keep goofing around like usual.

When Lucas is about to give up his hunt for the costume, his eyes set on the most beautiful apparel. The tux is completely black and the fabric is very soft and delicate. The shirt is white with some exquisite details. Then, there’s a black top hat and a red Venetian eye mask. But that isn't all. To complete the look, a majestic cape (black on the outside and red on the inside) and a pair of black shiny shoes.

“That's the one, guys!” Lucas says as he keeps his eyes fixed on those pieces of clothing. He can't tear them apart. Maybe, this time, Lucas won't feel like an outsider at that party and will actually enjoy it.

“It's beautiful indeed! Go on and try it, Lulu!” Basile sounds more excited about Lucas outfit than about his own. But that's Basile. He always sounds beyond delighted about everything and anything.

Lucas heads to the fitting room enthusiastically. Once he changed into the outfit, Lucas himself is stunned by the beauty of the whole thing. How well it fitted him and how eye catching it is. Not like he was expecting anyone to come to him during the ball. But, at least, it is an absolute self-confidence booster.

Lucas stands in front of the mirror with his friends behind him admiring his fashion choice.

“That's what I'm talking about! Look at you, all beautiful and good-looking! Now, I'm jealous of you!” Yann states as he falls on the couch dramatically.

“Well, I knew you would surprise us with your costume. Everything fits you like it was made for you! It's not fair!” Basile just copies Yann's behaviour and lays on the sofa beside him.

Lucas has lost his words. His friends are being too kind to him. But the truth is that he also is pretty mesmerized by the whole thing. Then, he felt Arthur hug him and a smile spread on his face! Yeah, Arthur is the hug kind of guy.

With a childish grin, Lucas changs into his precious clothes and goes back home hoping for these good feelings about himself will last for some time. 

 

**_Saturday night_ **

Lucas is sitting at the bar, glass in his hand, over viewing the dance floor as people kept arriving crowding the space. He hears his friends talk about some girl, but he just doesn't bother paying attention. Lucas needs to loosen up, and he simply asks for the alcohol to keep coming.

After some drinks, Lucas is already feeling a bit tipsy but what can he do? His friends have company on the dance floor, while Lucas is still on the same bar stool as he was one hour ago. The music sounds all the same, and he just wants to get out of this place.

But what was the point of buying this stupid costume and come here if he was just going to sit around and drink?

With one last push, Lucas drinks what was left of his drink and heads to the dance floor. He is going to have fun, even if it meant to have fun alone.

The music is so loud the small boy can feel his whole body throb. He quickly caught the rhythm of the song and let his body sway as it felt like it. All of Lucas’ senses are over sensitive. With his eyes closed, Lucas hearing focus on the music. He can smell all the different kinds of alcohol and perfume around. His body feels every touch rom all the people on the dance floor who are too busy to care about personal space.

Lucas doesn't care about anything else. He just wants to be free for a little while and appreciate all the things life had to offer. He is so lost in his own mind, he doesn't even realize someone has joined him. That body is dancing so, so close to Lucas’ back that he just lets him get even closer. It's a boy, Lucas is sure of it even with is eyes sealed.

Lucas lets his head fall back onto the stranger’s shoulder as he feels a pair of hands grab his waist. He is absolutely loving this moment. He is free, happy and a little bit wasted. But he’s mostly proud of who he is. With a smile on his lips, Lucas turns around. The lights might be blinding him but he is stunned.

In front of him stands a tall boy with such untamed hair. Lucas just wants to bring his fingers to it and try to subdue those soft fibers. The boy's tuxedo is similar to Lucas, except for the silver details all over the font. His mask resembles a skull and covers the boy’s whole face. It is quite intriguing but so beautiful and mesmerizing.

The boy is staring right at Lucas with those beautiful aqua green eyes and Lucas was staring right back. He wasn’t strong enough to break that intense glare. They stand there, in front of one another for quite some time, letting it stop just for them.

Lucas feels something in his chest. His heart is all crazy, doing all kinds of flip-flops around. His breath leaves him and his hands are tingling. His mind is peaceful. Maybe the boy has got some kind of power to calm his mind. Lucas doesn't know anything right now. He just smiles because everything feels so tranquil. He lets himself get lost in this new feeling, his eyes close like they have a mind of their own and getting engraved in his memory is this beautiful sight in front of him.

He wants to say something but the words don’t come out. He opens his mouth a few times just to close it right after. The tall boy just smiles. It’s literally the brightest and the sincerest smile Lucas has ever witness. Maybe the tall boy feel exactly the way Lucas does. It’s like they are in their own bubble even if they are surrounded by so many people. Lucas is so lost in his own thoughts but at the same time so focused on those two emeralds. He doesn’t even realize the tall boy is getting closer and closer.

When Lucas finally understands what’s happening, his lips are already covered by the soft and plump ones from the boy in front of him. It’s a soft and delicate kiss. Just a light touch of those velvety lips. But then, the tall boy’s hands are holding his face in place and Louis can’t get enough deepening the kiss.

Maybe this is wrong, all kinds of wrong. Still, Lucas never felt so free in his life. He doesn’t know the boy, but who can say that this will sprout into something else? Right know, the smaller boy doesn’t care. He lets himself float in their small bubble as they take each other’s mouths gracefully.

As the song comes to an end, Lucas feels the other boy break their fragile connection resting his forehead against his. Lucas breathes deeply after realizing he has been holding his breath the entire time. When he finally has the courage to look the tall boy in the eyes, there’s something different in them. Lucas can’t pinpoint what it is exactly but he hopes that the feelings are mutual.

Before Lucas has time to react, he feels the aqua green boy pull away. Without breaking their eye contact, the other boy starts to disappear among the crown while Lucas’ smile only gets bigger. Letting himself breath profoundly several times, Lucas definitely has a completely different opinion about the ball. Maybe it wasn’t stupid and useless after all. Perhaps he even needs to thank his friends for convincing him to come. However, for now, Lucas will keep this special moment to himself so he can remember it whenever he can without having other people snooping around.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron

**_Monday morning_ **

It’s Monday morning. Again. Whats does Lucas have to do? Sell his soul to the devil so that the weekend can have an extra day? He’s not yet fully recovered from all the alcohol he put into his system during that ball. Let’s also not point out the bags under his eyes and the light-headed feeling that has been making him slightly sick since he took the bus. Not even the painkillers helped his cause.

Now at school, Lucas is at the foyer trying to get some peace and quiet before he has to go to classes. With his hood up and some soft music playing in his ears, Lucas tries to find the strength to face another day. At some point, Lucas feels like he’s being observed. It’s not a very good feeling. It’s like someone’s looking at you, right through him. That perception made him remember a glimpse of those two aqua green pearls. Almost immediately, Lucas’ heart starts beating erratically in his chest. Lucas is frustrated! He can’t remember most of the things from that night, but he won’t forget those sweet delicate lips against his. The problem is, even if Lucas had the guts to talk to the guy, he doesn’t know his name. Why did he have to drink so much?

He is so lost in his own thoughts, Lucas doesn’t even feel the boys arrive and sit beside him. Quickly, the small boy is withdrawn from his own mental bubble since his friends are all talking at the same time speaking pure nonsense.

“Can you take it easy, please?” pleaded Lucas as he paused the music and covered his eyes with his hands trying to block all the light from outside.

“Already so grumpy at this time in the morning?” Yann was quick to add.

“I’m not grumpy. I’m just tired because someone convinced me to go to a ball I didn’t even want to go”.

“Nothing like that, Lucas. If I remember correctly, you ended up coming with us willingly.” Arthur said, and he was right. It’s not like Lucas didn’t know that. He just didn’t want to be reminded.

In no time, Basile took the conversation in another direction, chattering about a girl he met at the ball and getting into too much details to Lucas’ liking. Someday, Lucas will tell Basile off. Their conversations always take the same direction. There goes the time when they talked about going to the park, spending a weekend together playing Fifa or whatever they did before everyone got too obsessed with love.

“The gossip has been nice guys, but I need to stop by my locker before going to class. So, I’m gonna get going. See you around!” Lucas gets up picks up his backpack and leaves the foyer without really caring about the world around him.

Lucas never really thought about love itself. He always thought it was useless and sometimes it hurts, a lot. He has proof. His parents were happy until everything turned around and sorrow was all there was left. Maybe Lucas is afraid of loving, not afraid from the feeling itself. How is he supposed to trust his heart to someone who can break it into a million pieces in a second? Lucas had his heart broken a couple of times. He doesn’t want to suffer again.

On his way to the locker, Lucas is feeling observed again, that weird feeling is back. He shrugs it off blaming it on his grumpiness and bad mood. Opening the locker to get some books out, Lucas notices a piece of paper falling to the ground. He picks it up without anyone noticing or soon enough there will be a rumor saying Lucas has a secret admirer. He’s curious about what might be written on the note. But for now, he’s leaving it in his backpack waiting to get home later.

**_Monday evening_ **

On his way back home, Lucas is getting kind of interested in that note. But what if the note isn’t meant for him and someone slipped it on his locker by mistake? All these high hopes for nothing. Lucas is like this. Always overthinking everything before it’s time. Lucas feels his backpack burn against his back as if the note is reminding him it is there

As he enters the apartment, Lucas sees Lisa sitting on the couch too focused on whatever show is on. Lucas says “hello”, but she doesn’t even realize he is there. So, Lucas goes to his bedroom without much thought hopping on the bed. Taking the note out of his backpack, Lucas realizes his breathing his getting shallow and his heart is missing some beats. The tips of his fingers are getting sweaty and his hands are trembling.

The note is delicately folded in four. As Lucas starts to unfold the piece of paper, he notices right away that it isn’t a not but a drawing. Lucas is confused. Why would someone bother to send him a drawing? Then, Lucas looks more attentively at the piece of paper in his hands and something clicks inside him. The drawing has two figures looking straight at each other. One of them has the exact same costume Lucas had at the ball. The other one is simpler. There’s only the mask resembling a skil, the wild hair and those damn piercing eyes!

Lucas had never seen those eyes before at school. Well, it wasn’t like he was looking at everyone’s eyes but he would remember if someone that such beautiful and mesmerizing ones. The ball was only open to the school’s students, but was it possible that an outsider crashed it without getting noticed? Not possible. If the by he kissed was the same person who put the drawing in his locker, then the boys attends the same school as Lucas. He’s already not thinking straight. Too much is going on in his mind.

Lucas puts the drawing on the pillow beside him. Quickly, some hazy memories from the previous saturday night start to take over his mind. Lucas doesn’t care. He lets himself daydream for a while. Maybe love isn’t a bad thing after all. And now, perhaps Lucas has a reason to start looking up and at people instead of looking at the ground afraid of the looks he might get.

Somewhere far, far away Lucas hears his phone buzz. Slowly, he starts to come back to reality. “Why does this keep happening to me?” Lucas thinks as he gets up and retrieves his phone from his backpack. A bunch of messages from his friends were coming in.

 

**Yann**

Lucas, have you seen those photos going around?

Why didn’t you tell us anything?

 

**Arthur**

I knew that costume wasn’t going to fail!

 

**Basile**

I’m so proud of you, Lucas!

My boy!

 

**Lucas**

Guys, I just got home and i’m extremely tired.

What the hell are you talking about?

 

**Arthur**

Jesus, Lucas.

Are you serious?

It’s all over social media!

 

Lucas doesn’t have any idea what they are talking about. Forgetting about their messages for a while, Lucas open his social media hoping to find what everyone seems to be talking about. He doesn’t need to search for too long because it’s literally “all over” social media. Someone uploaded the photos from tha ball. In some of them, everyone can see, without a doubt, Lucas dancing really close to a boy almost like he was craving for it. Lucas didn’t remember it like this. He was feeling good that night, that’s true. But the alcohol may have mislead him to act a bit different from what people are used to see from him.

Sliding to the next photo, Lucas’ heart seems like it’s going to burst out of his chest. Everything that happened that night is out there in the open, and all Lucas could remember was a kiss and those dreamy eyes. But he can’t look away from those pictures. Maybe now, he can get some clues to find out who the mysterious boy is.

His fingers keep sliding left. It seems like someone was only focused on Lucas actions during the ball. Every single moment with that boy was registered. From the moment Lucas let his head fall back to the point when they were getting dangerously close. There are also pictures of the kiss, that remarkable kiss. And in the end, when Lucas is standing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by masked people locking eyes with the boy who is leaving the place.

Lucas lets a deep breath out. How the hell did this happened? It’s not like Lucas is worried about people finding out about is sexuality. They already know. But having such a intimate and meaningful moment out there for everyone to see and talk about is a little to much. The small boy tries to fight the need to read what people are saying, but it’s stronger than him. His friends keep messaging him. They have to wait, for now.

Opening the replies section of each of his pictures, Lucas feels such relief. It’s like i body lost an unbearable amount of weight. People are being incredibly nice. Well, there’s always someone who likes to be different. But mostly, the comments are saying how proud they are of Lucas for not being afraid of showing who he really is and how they wish they were as happy as he looked like in the photos. There are also as many comments asking who is that beautiful tall boy with Lucas. If they only knew what’s really going on.

A big smile spread across Lucas’ face. Maybe things aren’t so bad after all. And perhaps, with all this debate it may be easier for Lucas to find out the identity of that mysterious and intriguing boy. Going back to check the messages his friends have been sending him, Lucas can only chuckle, because they really are something else!

 

**Arthur**

Who is he, Lucas?

We demand to know!

 

**Basile**

He looks so hot!

 

**Yann**

It seems like he really was enjoying those moments with you!

 

**Basile**

Have you seen him at school?

 

**Arthur**

I bet Lucas was all grumpy this morning and left us all alone in the foyer just to be with that boy somewhere!

 

**Basile**

I’ve been teaching you some things, right Lucas?

 

**Yann**

Are we going to meet him?

 

**Arthur**

I want to be the first one on the line!

 

**Yann**

Shut up, Arthur!

We are going to meet him at the same time.

Right, Lucas?

 

**Basile**

Seems like Lucas decided to go offline!

 

**Arthur**

Don’t leave us hanging, Lucas!

We need to know what’s going on!

 

Lucas really loved these silly boys. They are always there for him, even when Lucas is being a pain in the ass. Just like he was these past few days. But, in spite of everything, they are the best, best friends he could ask for.

 

**Lucas**

Guys, can you calm down, please?

It’s nothing like you’re thinking.

 

**Yann**

It isn’t?

I mean, when we brought you back home after the day you were so wasted we thought you had spend the whole night drinking.

 

**Lucas**

I was wasted, yes.

But not like you’re picturing it, guys.

 

**Arthur**

Just telll us what happened already!

We’re dying over here!

 

**Basile**

Well, the photos are pretty convincing and revealing.

There's not a lot left to explain.

 

**Lucas**

You can be really petty sometimes!

Yes, I was tipsy because I drank some alcohol.

But then I decided to go to the dance floor by the time you guys were already nowhere to be seen.

And there I was when the guy approached me.

It's not like I asked him or anything.

And that's it.

 

**Arthur**

That's not all, Lucas.

 

**Basile**

Yeah, what about the rest?

We have proof now!

 

**Yann**

What's his name?

 

**Lucas**

The rest you can see in the photos. It's not like they are hidden away or something.

He kissed me, I kissed him and then he left.

That's it.

I don't know his name. I didn't ask and he didn't talk to me.

I really don't know the guy, I swear!

 

**Arthur**

Well, are thinking about a way to discover that?

 

**Yann**

Wait wait wait!

He didn't talk to you?

And you didn't talk to him?

 

**Basile**

Exactly my thought!

What were you thinking, Lucas?

 

**Lucas**

Well, maybe I wasn't really thinking.

It felt like a dream. Too good to be true.

I mean, who in his right mind would come to me and do that?

It's not like I'm special or anything.

 

**Yann**

Don't think so little of yourself!

You're a good guy with a great personality

Sometimes you can get too grumpy and a pain in the ass but that's manageable.

 

**Lucas**

Very funny, Yann.

Thanks man.

 

**Basile**

Is there already a “who is that handsome guy from the ball” plan?

 

**Arthur**

We can help! Anything you need!

 

**Lucas**

Well, I don't know how I can discover someone's identity when the guy was wearing black from head to toe and had a whole freaking mask that covered his hole face.

 

**Arthur**

Easy, the guy is pretty tall. Just with that feature you can forget about ⅔ of the guys at school.

 

**Lucas**

And the other ⅓?

 

**Basile**

That hair make heads turn, for sure!

And it's not like every guy at school goes to class like they just got out of bed.

 

**Lucas**

Still not enough, guys!

Just with those two features, there is still a great number of guys left.

 

**Yann**

Take it easy, Lucas.

We'll get there!

Any other special feature about him that you may have caught?

 

Lucas was going to say the boy's lips, but it's not like his friends are going to kiss every guy for his sake.

 

**Lucas**

His eyes!

Aqua green eyes where you could get lost for days…

 

**Arthur**

Aw! Our Lulu is in love!

 

**Lucas**

Shut up, Art!

 

**Basile**

You so fell for the guy!

 

**Yann**

I bet you even dream about him already!

 

**Lucas**

What a pity that all I got to see was a mask.

But seriously guys.

Maybe the guy was just fooling around.

 

**Yann**

If that's the case, I'm going to have a talk with him for breaking your heart!

 

**Lucas**

Easy there!

 

**Arthur**

Yann's right!

Nobody mess with one of us.

 

**Lucas**

Thanks, guys!

Another thing: someone left a drawing in my locker today.

 

**Basile**

And the plot thickens!

 

**Arthur**

What kind of drawing?

 

**Yann**

Why do you keep hiding information from us?

 

**Lucas**

It's just a drawing of me and the boy on the dance floor staring at each other.

 

**Yann**

Then maybe he was the one to put it there.

 

**Arthur**

He's trying to reach to you, Lulu!

 

**Basile**

You like him, he likes you!

Nothing can go wrong!

 

**Lucas**

Then maybe he could have come directly to me, instead of leaving notes in my locker.

 

**Yann**

Maybe he's afraid you'll reject him because now you're sober.

 

**Arthur**

Ahahah!

 

**Lucas**

This conversation is over!

 

**Basile**

Come back, Lucas!

We're not finished yet!

 

**Yann**

We need to come up with a plan!

 

Lucas leaves his phone on his desk. Talking to the boys was good. Now, he had a different perspective from the whole situation. Maybe the beautiful boy really wants to reach to him, but doesn't know how or is afraid of something. Lucas doesn't want to rush anything. He'll try to pinpoint who he is from the school crowd. But he won't be sad if things doesn't go as planned. After all, it's not like Lucas was expecting someone to come up to him and shake is life like they own it.

For now, Lucas relies on his memories from that night and on the drawing that's still on the pillow at the other end of the bed. Lucas already feels different, lighter and with a better mood. As he drifts off to sleep, those green eyes appear behind Lucas’ eyelids keeping him company during the night. And those velvet sweet lips? Well, those seem like they never really leave his.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Where We Come Alive” by Ruelle

**_Tuesday morning_ **

“Morning, guys!” Lucas greets his friends as he comes up to them at the patio. Today, he feels better. He woke up before his alarm clock and his mood has improved too.

“Look if it isn't the man of the moment!” Yann says as he seems extremely excited by Lucas situation. Arthur and Basile were excited too, looked like they won the lottery or something.

“Don’t even start. It seems like I’m from another planet. People are always looking at me.” Lucas always was self conscious about himself. But after what happened yesterday, he didn’t think people would be like this.

“Well, I feel like I’m friends with VIP.”

Lucas side-eyed Arthur. These dorks can really hype up a situation.

“Have you thought about the fact that I was no one before I came out? Now, it’s like I have something in my forehead saying “look at me!” It’s exhausting.”

“Yeah, yeah. But, now let’s talk about what really matter about all of this. We need to discover who’s the guy!” Basile is impatient. That’s how he is.

“You won’t just let it slide, will you?”

“Why would we?”

“Maybe because it’s weird to stare at people out of nowhere and whisper about them.”

“Lucas, you can’t wait forever for the guy to show up. He is trying to reach to you, you can make a move too. Even if it’s just to try to pinpoint someone from a crowd”.

“I know, Yann, But that’s not the point. It feels like we will be analyzing people. It’s weird.”

They spend about half an hour inspecting every potential candidate to their research. From their hands, to their height and the way they moved. However, all their options just don’t fit the criteria. It’s insane how many people can be in the same place as you and you don’t even realize.

Lucas is tired. It was fun at the beginning, but now he just wants to forget about the mysterious boy for a while. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

“Look, and what about Eliott?” Arthur asks as he sees the boy walk along the patio ready to go to class.

“Nah, man. Eliott’s too shy for that.” Basile is quick to answer. Everyone knows that Eliott is that kind of person who prefers to be alone and who doesn’t spend much time around people.

“Besides, his eyes are not the same colour.” Lucas can’t neglect that fact. He has seen Eliott around Alex only a couple of times, but it is enough to make a comparison.

He can’t say that Eliott isn’t good looking, on the contrary. His smile can lift someone’s spirit in a second. Lucas felt that once when still anyone knew is secret. He was on his way to the cafeteria when Eliott brushed past him the opposite way to the library as he was talking to one girl Lucas didn’t know.

His eyes are beautiful. Blue like the ocean on a sunny day. Lucas can bet on how someone could swim in them too. Eliott could even hypnotize someone with them.

But the thing Lucas most likes about Eliott is the way he shrugged his shoulders when he is shy about something or when people compliment him. It makes him look like a little boy, although he is a few centimeters taller than Lucas.

“Maybe it’s that guy over there?” Basile aims to a boy over the school’s exit.

“Come on, Basile. Have you looked at that hair?” Lucas said, already tired of looking at people and getting nowhere. His friends laugh like it is the most  funny thing in the world.

Lucas doesn’t feel like laughing. He just takes a deep breath and shooks his head. This isn’t working. He didn’t think it was gonna be easy, but how many tall guys with beautiful hair could there be at school? He’s exhausted and classes didn’t even begin.

 

**_Thursday afternoon_ **

Last class of the day and Lucas can’t wait to get home. After a long exam, his brain is malfunctioning. He is so tired he can feel his closed by themselves like they have a life of their own. Wouldn’t it be great if Lcas wasn’t so tired all the time? He wished…

Taking a quick detour, Lucas goes straight to his locker to leave some books he doesn’t need today. The hallways are empty, most of the students don’t have classes until so late in the afternoon.

Lucas quickly opens his locker and put his books inside and grabs another one from the pile because, of course, there’s some homework due tomorrow and Lucas hasn’t done it yet. Not like he is in the mood for it, but he has to if he he doesn’t want to fail.

On his way home, Lucas doesn’t really think about the boy who made a subtle but strong appearance in his life. There weren’t any more drawing since the previous Monday and Lucas feels disappointed. He really believed someone might be interested in him. But now? Well, now the story is different and he’s feeling like a joke. Someone played him and he’s mad he had fallen for it.

Except, due to the fact that Lucas was feeling so tired, he didn’t even saw the small piece of folded paper he was hoping for fall on the ground when he went to his locker earlier.

 

**_Friday morning_ **

Lucas isn’t one of those people who wakes up really early even on weekdays. He tries to sleep the most he can. But today, the story is different. Because of his literature class, he needs to go to the library to pick up a book before all the copies disappear.

Before heading to the library, Lucas wants to pick up some stuff from the hopeless locker so he can go straight to class then. As he makes the last turn, Lucas sees someone in front of his box as if the person is contemplating his life. Lucas wants to move forward but he wants to see what the boy’s gonna do too. After some time, the guy slips something into the little cabinet, takes a deep breath and walks down the corridor with his back to Lucas until he can’t see him anymore. But before Lucas can comprehend what just happened, his eyes capture a glimpse of the guys face.

Lucas is perplexed by what just happened. Was he dreaming? Were his eyes playing tricks on him? Was his mind playing him? After several minutes, and step by step, Lucas gets closer to his locker and opens it at the first try. And there it is. A carefully folded piece of paper. He feels himself hyperventilate. And before he does something stupid, like revealing the paper with the risk of someone seeing it too, he heads to the library with big steps with some hope in his hand.

Going to the most hidden table in the whole library, Lucas opens the paper revealing another beautiful drawing. This time, Lucas is the only one on it. It seems like he’s sitting on one of the benches of the patio and someone’s watching him from afar. Lucas is smiling, happy. And now, under the drawing, there’s something written. That’s new.

“You’re beautiful when you smile”. Those are the words. A simple sentence, but so powerful and meaningful to Lucas. Without being able to control himself, a big smile appears on Lucas’ face as he, carefully, folds the paper again and puts it in his backpack.

Lucas hates literature, but after that little surprise, nothing can take him down. He really is happy his predictions that the boy forgot about him are not true. Someone really cares about it and that makes him fuzzy inside. It’s a feeling hard to describe because it’s so special and extraordinary. He should tell his friends about the new development or they’ll say Lucas is ungrateful. But he wants to have this memory only to him for a little while.

Classes don’t seem so boring today. They actually seem to go by faster that usual, or maybe it’s because Lucas is actually paying some attention today. Sometimes he finds himself daydreaming about the boy. He feels like a young boy in love. Is he?

At lunch, Lucas joins his friends who are discussing something about where they should go this weekend to spend some time together. Lucas won’t hide his good mood. But he won’t also tell the guys right away. Maybe they won’t notice. What a fool he is.

“Hey, man! Do you wanna hang out with us this weekend? We were thinking about going to the skate park,” Yann’s the first to talk while Basile and Arthur are busy eating some vegetables.

“Yeah, of course. Why not?” Lucas is quick to answer and gets some curious glances.

“Look at him! Not refusing to go out with us once in like a month!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know! But don’t talk too much or I might change my mind.” Lucas liked to tease them sometimes.

“And that good mood is all because it’s Friday or because the enigmatic boy made an appearance?” Basile asks as he casually picks at his food.

Lucas chokes on some water he is just drinking. Very subtle, Lucas.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas wants to tell them right away, but not before annoying them a bit.

The trio makes some annoying noises and throw some judging glances at Lucas. They know something’s up.

Putting his hands up like Lucas is surrending, he admits.

“Fine, fine! I’ll tell you. But you have to promise not to make a scene in the middle of the cafeteria”.

“It seems like you don’t know us, Lucas. When do we make a scene?” Arthur interjects but with a mocking thone. Even they know how silly they can be when they acknowledge something exciting.

“I got another note.” Lucas is still talking when his friends jump from their chairs yelling. they really don’t know how to be subtle about the simplest things.

“Guys, come on! Don’t make a scene!”

“How can’t we? The boy just reached to you again! That’s fantastic! Progress!”

“Did he leave is name? His number?”

“It’s just another drawing. No identify from the boy. However…” Lucas doesn’t continue, rising the expectation of the moment. Inquisitive glances were focused on him. His friends are impatient and so is he, but to go look for the boy and talk to him.

“I saw the guy who’s leaving the drawings. Just this morning.” Lucas is excited and smiling like he just smoked something.

“What?! Who is he?!!!” That’s the only thing Lucas can understand from all the noises that are coming from his friends.

Lucas trusts them not to do or say anything stupid when he reveals the identity of the boy. It’s not like he wants the whole schools to know before he even talks to him. Usually, Lucas is more like the passive kind of guy. However, in this case, he has to go after what he wants and what he feels that’s right for him.

_It’s Elliot._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Ocean Eyes” by Billie Eilish

**_Friday evening_ **

Lucas has been looking everywhere for the boy. From the cafeteria to the library. He even went to the foyer and to the cave. He wasn’t lucky. As Lucas leaves the last class of the day, he’s craving is bed so he could sleep. Last night he almost didn’t sleep at all. Too excited thinking about how things would play out today. Seems like it was a waste of effort. In spite of all of Lucas’ attempts, the boy was still missing. Maybe he didn’t even come to school today. Frustrated, Lucas headed to the bus stop hoping to get home soon and dive into his bed until tomorrow.

As he approaches the terminal unconcerned about his surroundings, Lucas spots someone sitting on the little bench. He would recognise that hair anywhere. It’s him. The boy he was so eager to find is right here. If he kept looking for him at school, he could have lost his chance to talk to him within today. He’s nervous. Very nervous. His mouth is getting dry and his brain is forgetting all the words he wants to say to the boy. The bus will be here at any moment. Lucas can’t lose another second. His insecurities have to stay in the background. And if his heart gets broken today, he’ll worry about it when the time comes.

“Hello.” Lucas says as he gets closer to the boy trying not to scare him away. He has this expectant look on his face but he’s afraid he’s giving to much away.

“Er… Hi!” The boy is surprised by Lucas’ approach, more like he was focused on his own mind than on his surroundings. He sounds nervous, but there’s a little smile on his face.

“I was looking for you”. Lucas sounds like he was desperate to find Eliott. Well, he was in a certain way.

“Oh, yeah?” Eliott sounds confused. Maybe Lucas made a mistake and confused Eliott with another similar person.

“I’m sorry if I sound kind of impertinent, but someone’s been leaving me notes, since the ball. And this morning, I saw you by my locker. I swear I wasn’t keeping an eye on it or anything. But I’ve been trying to find out who has been doing it! It was getting frustrating and after today I had to see you. I had to…” Lucas is rambling, moving his hands in front of him like he’s trying to explain something abstract.

Eliott’s looking at him with a surprised face. His mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. After a few seconds, he chuckles. He fucking chuckled.

“I’m sorry about that. I mean… About leaving the notes without letting you know it was me. I guess I was just scared.”

“Why?”

“Because there was a possibility that you wouldn’t remember me after the ball or that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Well, I was pretty tipsy that night. I’m not gonna lie. But all this secrecy made me feel like a little boys looking for easter eggs.”

“I’m sor-”

“It’s okay. I don’t mean it in the wrong way. I understand your point. At first, I thought you were playing me, that you weren’t looking for anything more.”

“I’ve been trying to come up to you for a long time before the ball. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was like something was keeping me from doing it. But then...”

Eliott stops talking as he takes a deep breath and looks away from Lucas for a few seconds. Lucas isn’t breathing properly. All these confessions is making him dizzy. Has he been hearing right? Eliott wanted to talk to him? Before the ball? What?!

“Then at the ball, I saw on the dance floor. And you were so carefree, like nothing mattered in the world. That’s when I took my chance. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you or anything. But it was then or never, because I knew I would be too shy to come up to you in broad daylight.”

“Now I feel like I just cornered you coming here.”

“I’m glad you did. Also I’ve been leaving those notes hoping to see if you were interested or not. I even thought you didn’t remember that night at all. So...”

“So you had to find a way to know if I did without actually coming to me.”

“Yeah… I know it sounds stupid or childish.”

“No, not like that. I actually liked it.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like your eyes weren’t tormenting me in my dreams or anything.”

“My eyes were tormenting you?”

“You know what I mean! Even though I remember them being a different colour.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, colored contact lenses.”

“Are you serious?” Lucas asks as he turns his body towards Eliott.

“What? Weren’t we supposed to be disguised at the ball?”

“You really were with that mask and everything.” Lucas only realized what he just said as Eliott looks at him with an expectant look on his face.

“So you noticed and you remember more than you’re saying.”

“Well, I don’t remember the whole night, but I remember enough.”

Lucas feels lighter. All the talk with Eliott put him at ease. They didn’t need to say much more. Lucas lets himself sit back glancing at Eliott from time to time. And soon, he’s getting mimicked. Eliott also sits back with his hands in his pockets.

“Do you wanna come to my place?” Eliott asks almost in a whisper, afraid of being rejected by Lucas.

“Hum… Sure.” Lucas tries to sound confident, although it’s notorious the nervousness is his voice. He was looking forward to talk to Eliott today. To go to his place? That’s a bonus he didn’t see coming.

The ride back to Eliott’s place seems to last an eternity. Lucas is nervous and so is Eliott. He keeps picking at his nails and his legs are always bouncing touching Lucas’ occasionally. Lucas can feel his eyes on him from time to time. He’s getting restless on his seat. They passed his bus stop some time ago and he doesn’t know how long it will be until they get out of this bus. He feels Eliott shifting closer to him. He feels like his heart will jump out from his chest and his stomach feels like a big knot keeping him from relaxing. He wants this to work but it’s getting to much.

“Come on! We get out at the next stop.” Eliott says jumping from his seat like an excited kid who just got told he’s going to the fair Lucas looks at him with such adoration. I’ve fallen for a kid. Picking up his stuff, Lucas gets up and comes closer to Eliott like he’s afraid of losing him, although he’s right them beside him! As Lucas lifted his eyes to Eliott’s face, he is already staring back at him. Feeling himself get lost in those marvelous eyes, he can’t fight the smile spreading across his lips. Eliott mimics his action. Soon, they seems like two free lovebirds.

Lucas is so engaged in the moment, he doesn’t realize Eliott’s talking to him. He just feels the boy grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the bus, like he was just punched in the stomach and his breath was knocked out of him.

“S-Sorry… That was awkward.” Lucas feels embarrassed and silly. He feels like he’s ruining everything, although it’s been like an hour, at most, since they started talking.

“It’ okay.” Eliott shrugs his shoulders with a smile reaching his eyes.

Lucas doesn’t know what to say. All the things he wanted to tell Eliott disappeared from his mind and tongue. How can people do this? And why is it so difficult? It’s not like he’s going to say anything bad.

“You coming? We still have to walk for a while.” Eliott starts to walk towards the end of the street hoping for Lucas to follow him.

As soon as Lucas’ legs start working, he catches up on Eliott who’s smiling at the sky.

 

**_Friday night_ **

It’s getting late. Lucas is sitting on Eliott’s couch with him by his side. They’ve been talking about nonsense mostly. There’s something playing on TV, but Lucas isn’t paying it too much attention. They’ve drunk a couple of beers each. Lucas doesn’t usually drink, so he’s already feeling a little light-headed and a happier than usual.

“Do you want another one?” Eliott asks as he gets up from the couch to go to the kitchen for the third time.

“Er… Sure.” Lucas knows he shouldn’t drink this much. He knows. But he doesn’t want to say no to Eliott.

When he sees the tall boy disappearing at the end of the hallway, Lucas takes his phone out and sends a message to his friends. He doesn’t want to tell them much. Just  enough to put them at ease.

 

**Lucas**

Won’t make it tomorrow, guys.

I’m sorry.

Just found out who was sending me the notes.

 

Lucas doesn’t wait for them to answer. He just puts the device on silent, hoping that he has alone time with Eliott.

Not long after that, the boy’s back on the sofa with two beers in hand. He gives one to Lucas and smiles at him. He seems so close now. Lucas can see his eyes from up-close just like he did that night at the ball. His lips seem softer. That smile could heal all the bad in the world. And Lucas didn’t know where to look. He just keeps jumping from Eliott’s eyes to his eyes, back to his eyes and then he feels Eliott’s hand cupping his face. Lucas leans into the touch just as Eliott looks straight into his eyes. His heart is beating faster than ever before and Lucas doesn’t know what to do. Well, he knows but he doesn’t.

Before he realizes, his face is leaning closer to Eliott’s. As he lets his eyes close, their lips touch, bringing a whole new feeling to his body. He brings his hands to Eliott’s chest looking for something to anchor him to reality, too afraid of this being just a dream. At first, it was just a soft touch of lips. But then, Lucas notices Eliott move closer to him and their soft kisses turned into hungry ones.

Lucas needs more. He’s craving for much more. He’s hands travel from Eliott’s chest to his neck, running his fingers through his hair like they have a life of their own. It’s like Lucas’ body is on autopilot. Before he knows it, he’s sitting on Eliott’s lap hoping to get all the contact he can get. Eliott’s pulling him closer, crushing their lips once again.

In a sudden move, Lucas stops what he’s doing, trying to catch his breath. He’s breathless and restless. Eliott brings their foreheads together without looking away from Lucas. He’s panting but he doesn’t care. Eliott’s here. That’s all that matters.

“Who knew you were this eager.”

Before Lucas has time to answer, Eliott’s back on his lips as if he’s making up for all the lost time. Not like Lucas is complaining or anything.

 

**_Saturday morning_ **

Lucas feels someone breathing on his neck as he wakes up, but not really opening his eyes just yet. He likes this. Being this close to someone without having to worry about the world outside. Can he stay here for the rest of his days?

Before he fell asleep the night before, he felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Having Eliott in his arms, so close, made him realize that love isn’t bad at all. It may be overwhelming at first, but after then you learn to deal with it and it can be the most beautiful thing in the world.

Lucas wants to move, but he’s afraid to wake up Eliott. He tries to reach for his phone laying on the floor near his clothes. Stretching his arm a little bit, he snatches the equipment to see if there’s anything important. As usual, tons of messages from his friends promising they’ll kill Lucas for ignoring them for hours.

Lucas must have chuckled at some point, because Eliott’s moving closer to Lucas putting an arm over his waist.

“Everything’s alright? His voice is raspy from being asleep and Lucas loves it. Could Eliott be more perfect? Lucas turns around, being face to face with Eliott. His eyes are closed, but there’s a tiny smile on his lips.

“Everything perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Lucas hugs Eliott as he puts his head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

He doesn’t care what people will say when they see both of them together at school or on the street. They’ll deal with it the best way they can. They’ll work together to be the happiest they can be. Right now, he wants to savour these little moments the most he can. If he knew a week ago that the ball would bring all these good things to him, he wouldn’t have been such a pain in the ass to his friends. Now he knows who’s the guy behind the mask, and he couldn’t be more delighted.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Lovely” by Billie Eilish ft Khalid

**_Sunday Afternoon_ **

Saturday was serene. They didn’t do much beside watching some TV shows and talking about everything and anything. They even ordered take away food because none of them felt like cooking. It was more like they were busy with each other and couldn’t really waste time.

Lucas is back home. After spending the entire Saturday at Eliott’s apartment, he had to come back home eventually. There’s still some homework he needs to work on and some essays he still has to write, which are due in just a couple of days.

He’s been busy with all the studying, but he can’t really focus on what he’s been doing. Lucas feels like he’s daydreaming out of nowhere. It’s not like he doesn’t have reasons to be so distracted. After all, in the last couple days, he went from trying to discover who was the mysterious boy leaving the notes to eventually finding out his identity and even spending some time with him.

Sometime during the afternoon, Lucas hears his phone buzz. Eliott had messaged him first thing in the morning, and they talked for some time. But even though it wasn’t Lucas wish, he had to be focused on his work. And if Eliott kept talking to him, he would do everything except what he needed to. Lucas promised to text Eliott as soon as he finished everything. As soon as Lucas sees who sent him the message, an involuntary smile forms on his lips. It seems like Eliott couldn’t wait any longer.

 

**Eliott**

Are you finished yet?

It feels like you already forgot about me.

I miss you.

 

**Lucas**

I’m sorry I’m loaded with all this homework.

But I’m almost finished.

I miss you too.

 

**Eliott**

Do you think you can come back today?

I need you.

 

**Lucas**

If you really need me.

 

**Eliott**

Please. I really need you.

 

**Lucas**

Give me an hour.

I just have one more essay to finish.

 

Eliott doesn’t text back, and Lucas doesn’t really pay any attention to the phone anymore. Right now, he tries to focus the best he can, so he can finish this last essay as soon as possible. Lucas is getting restless by the minute, and it’s getting difficult to finish that paper. Without really caring how it got together, Lucas picks up his stuff and heads out.

 

**Lucas**

Leaving now.

Are you okay?

 

**Eliott**

Hurry up.

 

Lucas doesn’t know if he should be concerned or not about this sudden need of Eliott to see him. He seemed fine when they talked in the morning. Without realizing it, Lucas picks up the pace. It takes some time for Lucas to arrive. He’s breathing is laboured from all the pacing. As soon as he arrives at Eliott’s front door, he rings the doorbell. There’s rustling from the other side. Lucas rings the doorbell again and then the door is wide open.

“Hi!” Eliott greats Lucas with a giant smile.

“Hey. Are you okay? I was worried!” Lucas enters the apartment as Eliott gives him space at the door.

“Why? I’m just fine. Now I’m even better that you’re here.” Eliott says, never looking away from the smaller boy.

“Next time, try not to sound like you are going to disappear or you might give me a heart attack.”

Eliott is now right in front of Lucas staring straight at him. Lucas feels the air leave his lungs as they seem to stop functioning. His heart feels like it’s skipping beats. Eliott really affects him like no one else. He’s getting so close to Lucas that the smaller boy feels like he might combust right at this moment.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we?” With Eliott’s hands on his cheeks and still looking straight at Lucas, he feels a tingling excitement at the tips of his fingers.

“Erm…” Lucas is lost in all that blue and his words don’t come out. Eliott licks his own lips making the smaller boy look at them again. “No, we wouldn’t.” Lucas doesn’t really know how he found the words and spoke them. But, as soon as his eyes found that blue again, he was gone.

Lucas is so entangled in that endless ocean, he doesn’t register Eliott moving even closer to him and bringing their lips together. It’s a soft brush at first as if they are both still getting used to it. As soon as Lucas overcomes that initial impact, he just can’t get enough of Eliott. With his arms around the taller boy’s neck, Lucas deepens the kiss, and that’s it for Eliott as he picks up the smaller boy and they head for the bedroom.

 

_**Monday morning** _

“Eliott, we really need to get going or we’re gonna be late for classes.”

They’re both still in bed. Lucas with his head on Eliott’s chest and this one with his arms around Lucas. Neither one of them felt like leaving their little universe.

“Maybe we could skip today.” Eliott says as he kisses Lucas’ forehead and pulls his closer.

“You know we can’t, Eliott. We’re gonna be in big trouble if we do that and you know it. Besides, the day is going to be over before you know it.” Lucas tries to remain optimistic, but eve himself knows how hard it’s going to be to see Eliott at school and not being able to be with him openly.

It’s not like they are hiding their relationship. They just agreed that it would be better if they kept it for themselves for a while. Otherwise, people would ask too many questions and would be looking at their every step at school, mostly. And they didn’t want that. They just prefer to keep their new world a secret and live the most of it away from prying eyes.

Eliott groans but still makes no move to get out of bed and Lucas giggles. Who knew Eliott was like that? Lucas starts to move out of bed as Eliott tries to bring him back to bed.

“Don’t leave me, Lucas!” Eliott says dramatically.

“Don’t be like that. And if you don’t leave tat bed right now, you can count with no more kisses this week.” Lucas was still finishing talking when he heard the sheets rustling. Instantly, Eliott is beside Lucas grabbing him by his waist.

“Sorry, but that can’t happen.” Lucas giggles as Eliott steals some more pecks from the smaller boy.

They kind of get dressed in a hurry, so that they can have some time to have breakfast. It’s not like they really care about that. They just really need an excuse to spend every moment they had near each other.

“How am I supposed to keep myself away from you today?” Eliott asks as he looks at Lucas intensively.

“What do you mean? We haven’t been together every single day and today is not different.” Lucas says in a light tone, trying to somehow cheer Eliott up.

“I know that. But today I’ll get to see you and I won’t be able to be with you. It’s going to kill me.” Eliott shrugs. He really doesn’t know how to explain it.

“Maybe we can meet again later today if you survive.”

“You’re funny.” Eliott says almost in a whisper, but Lucas can still hear it. It warms his heart to know that someone thinks good things about him.

As they are getting close to school, they part ways so that they won’t arrive at school together. Lucas doesn’t know for how long they’ll be able to be apart like this like Eliott said. Even himself feels like they are being forced to be apart because they would be breaking some rule or something. They talked about this. It’s only until things are more settled. After that, they can be together wherever they want.

Lucas arrives just as the bell rings. He sees Eliott talking to a colleague at the back of the patio. He tries to avoid looking at him, but it seems like Eliott’s pulling him. Eliott looks at Lucas, a little smile lightening his face. Lucas averts his eyes smiling at himself. Just a few more hours and then they can be together again.

 

**_Monday evening_ **

The boy have been messaging Lucas the whole day, asking about his weekend and teasing him. Lucas just wants to leave and get back with Eliott, but he knows that if he ditches the boys again, he’ll have a lot to explain. So, has his last class ends, he heads to the common room where his friends have been.

“Hi, guys.” Lucas tries to sound casual. Maybe they won’t bring up the issue he so wants to avoid. That’s only because he doesn’t want to hide anything from them, but he has to do it about this in particular.

“Lucas! Finally, we got to see you! How was your weekend?” Arthur is the first to notice Lucas as he enters the common room.

“Guys, can you please stop playing around and just ask what you want to know?” Lucas takes a seat next to Yann as he puts his backpack on the floor.

“Tell us everything, Lucas!” Basile asked as he was rubbing his hands. “Who’s the boy? And don’t try to hide it from us, because you said you knew who it is! Did you spend the weekend with him?”

“Yes, I did spend some of the weekend with him.” Lucas is still talking when the boys cheered like they’ve just won the lottery. “But I’m not telling who it is. Not yet, at least.”

“What?! No, Lucas! You can’t keep us in the dark.” Yann sounds hurt, but he’s truly just trying to mess with Lucas.

“I can and I will. Just for a while, guys. This is all new, we both decided it’s best if we keep quiet for a while. Nothing against you. We just want a little privacy.”

Lucas knew his friends were persistent, but not this much. They’ve spent at least 15 minutes trying to make Lucas drop something without realizing. But no such luck. They just had to accept they have to wait for the right time to know who’s the lucky guy.

Lucas’ phone buzzes in his pocket. He could bet on who’s messaging him. But that would be too obvious, no? As he picked it up, he sees a message from Eliott. He tries to control his face, but it’s hard when his boy is a dork.

 

**Eliott**

I’m already at home.

Wish you could have come with me.

But thought it would be better if we didn’t leave school together.

I might cook something for dinner.

Let me know when you’re coming.

See you soon <3

 

Thinking about Eliott cooking them dinner made Lucas feel warm inside. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? If this is it, then Lucas is more than happy with that. He is about to answer back, when he realized someone’s snapping fingers right in front of is face, startling him.

“You really are daydreaming, Lucas. One message and you forget about us! Is that your boy?” Yann asks as he tries to look closer to see how’s the sender.

“I didn’t forget about you, guys. I just received a message, and it could be important.” Lucas puts his phone back in his pocket. He will answer Eliott later.

“Yeah, right. You even ditched us on Saturday. One day, I’ll have a serious talk with that boy of yours.” Basile has always been kind of dramatic. But maybe he’s right.

Maybe Lucas has been neglecting his friendship with the boys. But all of this happening with Eliott, he couldn’t say no to his boy. He had to make a choice, and he’ll deal with the consequences if he has to.

“I’m sorry, guys.” Lucas can’t say much more without feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Regarding everything that has happened and that may happen, we just want you to know that we are happy for you.” Arthur always says the right things at the right times. Right now, Lucas needs his friends support or he wouldn’t know what he would do.

“Thanks, guys.”

As his friends start talking about the remodeling of the common room and coming up with good but also very bad ideas, Lucas takes the opportunity to reply to Eliott.

 

**Lucas**

I’m with the guys.

Another 20 minutes and I’ll be catching the bus. <3

 

**_Thursday afternoon_ **

It’s been really hard to be in the same place as Eliott and not being able to be close to him. He saw him during lunch, breaks between classes and everything else in between. How are you supposed to fight the need to be with someone who means so much to you? Every time they go by each other in the hallways, there’s a hand brushing lightly at each others. And every single time, there’s that tingling in Lucas’ body as if he is on fire.

During lunch, Lucas and Eliott are sitting at different tables but in front of each other. Every now and then, Lucas feels Eliott’s eyes on him. It’s like his body knows when it’s being watched by the taller boy. The smaller one averts his eyes to avoid any suspicion from his friends who are talking about some subject Lucas isn’t really paying attention to.

Lucas is getting restless. His leg keeps bouncing under the table as he keeps bickering at the food. As Lucas throws some quick glances in Eliott’s direction, he can see the older boy trying to tease him. Those freaking looks he’s throwing at Lucas and the way he’s licking his lips once in a while. Lucas is doomed.

Lucas tells the boys the first excuse that comes to his mind and leaves the table. All these provoking moves Lucas and Eliott have been throwing at each other have been putting Lucas over the edge. As he wanders the hallways looking for a quiet place, he sends a message to Eliott hoping that he’ll see it as soon as he gets it.

 

**Lucas**

Auditorium no2, now!

 

Lucas has been waiting for 5 minutes, already. Maybe Eliott didn’t see his message, or he thought Lucas was being clingy. Love makes you do really stupid things. He is getting ready to leave when he hears the door open and there he is. Eliott.

Lucas grabs him by the arm taking him to a small room near. Eliott is freaking giggling.

“Now it’s my turn to ask if you’re ok.” Eliott said as he is letting the smaller boy drag him along to the room.

“Are you?” Lucas is anxious, maybe Eliott doesn’t want to be with him now. But he needs it, he needs at least one kiss from his boy. “I mean, you were putting up a show at lunch.” Lucas’ hands are on Eliott’s waist pulling him closer and closer.

“Did you like it?” Eliott whispers as he’s one inch from Lucas’ face looking him straight in the eyes.

This is it for Lucas. He crashes his lip to the taller boy’s ones bringing his face as close as he could. He can feel Eliott’s hands on his waist, his thumbs pressing with such force it might leave some bruises.

Lucas can feel himself run out of air but he doesn’t dare to stop tasting Eliott. Before he knows it, Eliott’s pinning him against the wall behind them as Lucas pulls his legs around his boy’s waist. Everything’s hazy around him, and he swears he could feel his skin get goosebumps all over it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "I Can't Stop Loving You" by Ross Copperman

**_Saturday Morning_ **

Lucas has been spending all the time he is with Eliott indoors. They only get out to go to school. It’s not like Lucas minds being all the time with Eliott, but he feels like they need to get out. In spite of having decided to keep things for themselves, maybe they could still get out.

Lucas is at Eliott’s apartment. He spent last night in here, just like most of the nights this week. They made an effort to spend the nights apart, but it would get to a point when they just needed to see each other. It was stronger than them. They are having some breakfast when Lucas decides to bring up the issue.

“So, I was thinking maybe we could go out today?” Lucas is nervous about asking Eliott to leave his place. He doesn’t want the taller boy to think he isn’t happy about their relationship so far.

“Do you have anything in mind?” Eliott’s looking at Lucas suspiciously as he keeps eating his toast.

“Well, not exactly. I just thought we could go somewhere.”

“We can think of something.”

 

**_Sunday Morning_ **

It is still early, not even 8 in the morning. Yet, Lucas is already awake beside Eliott. He keeps looking at the taller boy in front of him still sleeping profoundly. Lucas really is that lucky. He never thought he would find someone as caring and tender as Eliott. Yet, here he is. Looking at how serene he looks as he sleeps, how close he is keeping him. Lucas tries to move a strand of Eliott’s hair that stubbornly keeps getting out of place.

“Are you watching me sleep?” Eliott asks with a raspy voice, keeping his eyes close but snuggling even closer to Lucas.

“You can say I am.” Lucas answers as he combs Eliott’s hair with his fingers. He’ll never get tired of this. This is too good and valuable for Lucas to let this go. He wants to cherish these moments and remember them forever.

“I’m feeling observed.” Eliott sounds like he isn’t bothered at all, he is smiling even.

“Do you think that’s a bad thing?”

“Not at all.” Eliott giggles and Lucas feels funny inside as the taller boy drops a kiss to his chest delicately.

“So, you’re just trying to make me feel bad?”

Eliott opens his eyes for the first time this morning, looking straight into Lucas’ intensively.

“Just shut up.”

Lucas wants to answer back but before he can come up with something, Eliott’s lips are on his and he’s lost his words. Right now, all he can focus on is how close Eliott’s body is and how he could taste his lips for days.

They are on their way to a park near Eliott’s apartment. It’s not a very long walk but they take ages to get there. Between some stolen kisses, they stopped at a bakery to have some breakfast. Lucas could get used to this. Being with Eliott all day, spending time with him just doing domestic stuff. If someone told Lucas som weeks ago that one day we would be heads over heels for someone, he wouldn’t believe it. Yet, here he is.

They’ve been sitting under a tree near a lake. It’s a quiet place and kind of sheltered from curious looks from people who may pass by. They’ve been quiet for some time. They don’t really need to talk all the time. Lucas feels peaceful just sitting with Eliott.

Lucas’s been sitting in front of Eliott between his legs. The taller boy is hugging him from behind and kissing his neck every once in a while. Lucas feels Eliott shift behind him and pick something up.

“What are you doing?” Lucas is curious but can’t really look back because the way is sitting.

“Why are you always so curious?”

“No I’m not.”

“Well, I’m just picking up something beautiful for my boyfriend.” Lucas turns around so quickly in a single movement as is he was struck by lightning. Eliott puts a little flower behind his ear.

“So, I’m your boyfriend?” Lucas is unsure he has heard right what Eliott just said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you or make you feel unconfortab…” Eliott is rambling and with perplexed expression on his face.

Lucas makes him shut up as he kisses the taller boy right on the lips.

“Hey! It’s okay. I know we haven’t talked about this yet. But I’ll gladly be your boyfriend, you know?” Lucas’s looking Eliott in the eye, and he sees relief wash over them.

“Yeah?”

Lucas just nods his head as he dives in for another kiss.

“Say it again.” Lucas can’t hide that lovestruck expression on his face, not that he wants to.

“Boyfriend.”

“I so like how that sounds.”

Eliott giggles and Lucas loves it so, so much when Eliott does that. He likes to see him smile, to see him happy.

“Do you think we’re gonna be like those old couples who spend the weekend on the park holding hands and feeding the pigeons?”

“Oh, definitely.”

Eliott smiles as he strokes Lucas cheeks and pulls him into his lap. After all, they have to take advantage of their hidden stop, right?

 

**_Tuesday Morning_ **

Lucas didn’t sleep at Eliott’s last night. His boyfriend had some work to do. And in order to not get distracted, both of them decided it was best if they slept at their own rooms. They’ve been talking over messages since Lucas woke up this morning. They really can’t be apart and not talking to each other for a very long time.

They are walking side by side, talking about what Eliott has been working on. Eliott doesn’t give Lucas too much information about it, and the smaller boy doesn’t push him any further.

“So… I’ll see you somewhere around school.” Lucas says as he gets ready to go a separate way as they approach school like they’ve been doing for the past days weeks.

“Do you… Do you think that maybe… we could talk together?” Eliott stops walking, his hands in his pockets, looking everywhere except at Lucas.

“Are you sure?” Lucas is surprised but, in spite of everything, he can’t say no to Eliott.

“Yeah. I just want to be able to talk to you at school and be with you. And I really don’t care what other people might think or say about us.”

This time, Eliott looks straight into Lucas eyes but Lucas can tell he’s nervous. The taller boy keeps biting his nails. Does he think that Lucas isn’t comfortable around him in public?

Lucas extends his hands asking for Eliott’s. As he grabs his boyfriend’s hand, Lucas brings it up to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

“Let’s do this, then.”

As they walk along the patio, people start throwing looks and whispering. Lucas feels as if he was some freak and hopes Eliott is okay with all of this. As he squeezes his boyfriend’s hand and holds it tight, he whispers:

“Are you okay?”

Eliott simply nods his head and squeezes Lucas’ hand back.

They are walking towards their lockers when Lucas hears his friends talk loudly somewhere along the hallway. He still didn’t tell them about Eliott. What will they say when they see him so close to Eliott? Turning towards Eliott, Lucas tries to find the right words to explain to Eliott what might happen in a few seconds.

“I didn’t tell my friends about you yet, because, you know, we decided to keep things just for us for a while. So, don’t be surprised by their dumbness. They might ask stupid and very personal questions. And if...”

Lucas notices Eliott’s eyes shift a bit and focus on something behind him as a little smile, almost unnoticeable, appears on his lips.

“Guess those three are the friends you were telling me about.”

Lucas turns his head a bit, so he can confirm Eliott’s suspicion. Yann, Arthur and Basile are looking at each other with a surprised expression.

“This is going to be fun.” Lucas says with a defeated tone as he lets his head drop to Eliott’s shoulder. The older boy tries to contain his laughter, but Lucas can feel his chest bounce with the little chuckles Eliott’s trying to suppress.

“Hey, guys.” The smaller boy finally says when he hears someone behind him whisper.

“Hello.” Eliott says as the other boys are lost for words and keep looking between Lucas and Eliott trying to solve the mystery why they are together. It’s not that hard to connect the dots. Sometimes, Lucas’ friends just need a little help.

“So, you guys already know Eliott.” Lucas says as he keeps holding his boyfriend’s hands and feels him squeeze his own.

The boys don’t really say anything. They just nod and keep looking at both of them with little smiles on their faces as they realize what Lucas is about to tell them.

“Well… Eliott is… He’s my boyfriend.”

 

**_Friday Evening_ **

Lucas is walking with Eliott. They just left school and after this whole week, they could use some peace and quiet. There were exams, essays and lots of homework. Both Lucas and Eliott are kind of tired. So, after today’s last class, they decided to go back to Eliott’s place and have a peaceful time.

They took a shower and ate some pasta Eliott had cooked. They didn’t say much since they arrived. Maybe from all the tiredness because of school. Also, they felt comfortable around each other, even when they are not talking. Lucas finds silence so meaningful in certain occasions.

Today, Lucas is feeling Eliott a bit distant. He didn’t say much all day and when he asked Eliott which move he wanted to see, his boyfriend didn’t gave him an actual answer. He keeps staring into space, not paying any attention to the TV in front of him. Lucas feels alone even with Eliott beside him.

Lucas approaches Eliott slowly, trying not to scare him. As he touches the taller boy’s arm, he is startled by the sudden touch. As if he was just struck by lightning, looking at Lucas with bugged eyes.

“Are you okay?” Lucas isn’t sure what to ask. So he decides to keep it simple, so Eliott doesn’t feel like he’s being questioned or forced to say something concrete.

Eliott’s lips are moving, but nothing’s coming out. Eventually, he just takes a deep breath and a simple “okay” leaves his mouth.

Lucas isn’t convinced by Eliott’s answer, but he doesn’t get anything else from his boyfriend. And, in spite of wanting Eliott to talk to him about whatever’s bothering him, he won’t force him. He’ll talk when he’s ready. Lucas just puts an arm around Eliott’s shoulders and brings him closer kissing his temple.

While Lucas gets ready to go to bed, Eliott’s already under the sheets. His whole body totally covered by those pieces of fabric, leaving only a little space near his face so he can breath. This whole situation is really bothering Lucas, but he can’t force Eliott to tell him what’s wrong. He’s worried that he might have done or said something that hurt him and he doesn’t know how to ask Eliott without sounding a bit insecure.

While he gets under the covers, Eliott doesn’t move beside him. He stays quiet and in the same positions he has been since Lucas saw him in bed. Lucas gets close and puts an arm on his waist getting closer to the taller boy, getting no reaction from him. It’s like he’s a statue. No move and no sound whatsoever. Lucas can feel his heartbeat. Otherwise, he might think he was dead.

Lucas has been having a hard time getting asleep. Eliott’s already sleeping profoundly beside him. This whole situation is bothering to the core, and he’s getting really self conscious about this, going over everything he said or did to Eliott this past few days. After dropping a kiss to Eliott’s shoulder, Lucas drifts off to sleep with all those thoughts in mind.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Hurts Like Hell” by Fleurie

**_Monday Afternoon_ **

Today is one of those days when Lucas wishes he hadn’t left home. Classes were hell. Today’s exam was pretty awful and he hasn’t heard from Eliott all day. Lucas was with him yesterday, but he left in the afternoon because he still wanted to review some things for the exam. Eliott seemed fine. Well, not fine perse. He was still being quieter than usual. But it didn’t seem like he was upset or worried. Just… quiet.

At lunch, Lucas sat with his friends. As usual, they were goofing about some rumour they heard in the common room. He wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying. He just kept picking his food without really eating much. He wasn’t hungry because of that unsettling feeling in his stomach. It was like there was a knot stopping him from swallowing anything. He sent a message to Eliott right before coming to the cafeteria. Eliott hadn’t answered yet.

Lucas excused himself and went to the bathroom. He felt his friend’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare to say anything. Not yet. Maybe Eliott had overslept and decided not to come to school at all. Maybe he was feeling sick and didn’t want to tell the smaller boy and worry him. As he entered the bathroom, he picked up his phone and dialed Eliott’s number. He let it ring for some time. And, of course, no answer. Again.

At the sink, Lucas splashed his face with some cold water in an attempt to, maybe, come up with an acceptable reason for Eliott to be so quiet. It’s like he disappeared from the face of the earth. Lucas tried to call Eliott again. It went straight to voicemail. The smaller boy let out a frustrated sigh. Was Eliott ignoring him?

Lucas didn’t go back to the cafeteria. He didn’t feel like eating. So, as he didn’t have any more classes for the next hour, he went to the library. It’s not like he would concentrate on anything with everything going on. But he could do some homework here instead of doing it at home. Otherwise, he would think every possible scenario for what may be happening, and Lucas can’t really deal with that.

He didn’t expect his relationship with Eliott to be terrific all the time. He knew there would be times when they wouldn’t agree in the same things all the times. He knew there would be times when they would argue over stupid things. He knew there would be times when he would be upset with the world and when it would be Eliott’s turn. But he didn’t expect Eliott to leave in the dark and ignore him like he didn’t knew who he was.

Right now, Lucas is at the bus stop waiting to get home. He’s tired. It’s true that he didn’t do much all day. But all this thinking made him emotionally exhausted. As the bus arrives, Lucas still hopes to see Eliott hop in, even though he knows that the taller boy didn’t come to school at all. What can he say? He’s already so used to be with Eliott that, right now, he can’t really function correctly without him. It’s like he’s broken.

 

**_Wednesday Afternoon_ **

Lucas has been sulking for days. He didn’t have any patience. Every time his friends said something funny, he would get even more grumpy and would leave them. He just wants to be alone. He’s sad with all this situation. And he wants to be sad alone. He doesn’t want anyone to pity him.

He’s been messaging Eliott for the past couple of days with no success. Eliott would read the messages, but he would get no answer. He’s getting mad because he didn’t expect Eliott to act like this. Did he like to see Lucas feel like the villain? At least, he could explain to Lucas whatever’s happening or tell him to leave him for good.

Lucas left school as soon as the last class was over. He didn’t wait around for his friends. Anyway, he didn’t have anything to tell them. And with his shitty humour, he would just upset and worry them. Lucas didn’t need anyone to be concerned about him. And knowing his friends like he does, they would do something they would regret later. He didn’t want that.

After taking a long needed shower, Lucas is laying in bed listening to some music he isn’t really paying any attention to. He’s looking at his phone, more properly at his conversation with Eliott. He sent him another message 47 minutes ago that Eliott read. No answer until now. Frustrated, Lucas throws his phone against the pillow beside him. It’s not like Eliott will answer faster if he keeps looking at the damn phone.

Lucas has been looking at the ceiling for no reason at all. He just doesn’t know what else to do. Maybe he just wants to mope around and feel bad about himself. He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying like this. Yet, as soon as his phone buzzes and he sees a new message form Eliott, he doesn’t care about anything else.

 

**Eliott**

We need to stay away from each other.

I’m sorry for hurting you.

 

What in the hell? Lucas is perplexed. What’s Eliott talking about? Is he breaking up with him? Just like that? Lucas doesn’t know what to say. He feels the tears form on the verge of his eyes. Is this the end? Lucas doesn’t accept this. No. So, with stained cheeks, he writes a message for Eliott.

 

**Lucas**

Are you serious?

This can’t be it, Eliott.

Was it me?

Did I do or say something that hurt you?

 

**Eliott**

It’s for the best, Lucas.

I’m so sorry.

 

**_Friday Afternoon_ **

It’s been a whole week without seeing Eliott, and Lucas had enough. Lucas’s friends already realized that something was wrong and he could keep hidden this from them. He told them everything that has happened and Lucas only felt worse. He really thought Eliott was the one. 

He can’t go another day without seeing Eliott. He needs to see him, to talk to him, to understand what’s happening. Is he being naive for wanting to work things up? Maybe he is. But he needs to, at least tell him to his face that it’s all over.

As he rides the bus to get home, he decides not to go home right away. Instead, he’ll take the bus to Eliott’s apartment, and he’ll talk to him. The ride seems to take an eternity. He’s getting anxious and having some doubts. Does Eliott want to see him? Does he want to talk to him?

Before he knows it, Lucas is at the front door of Eliott’s apartment. He got inside when an old lady was getting out of the building. He climbed the stairs two at time. Now, he’s here. Yet, he’s afraid to knock. He had the whole conversation in his head. But now, everything vanished. 

With a little effort, Lucas knocks at the door. He doesn’t hear anything on the other side. Maybe Eliott’s not home. He knocks again. This time, he hears someone move but the doors stays closed. He knocks again before saying:

“I know you’re in there, Eliott. Can you open the door, please? I need to talk to you.”

Five minutes later, Lucas is on the same spot and with no answer. He stopped knocking after his fifth attempt. His legs are heavy, and it’s difficult to go home. He can’t stay here all night. He thought that coming here would be a good thing. Maybe he would work things up with Eliott. He was wrong. So, so wrong.

He doesn’t take the bus to go back home. He walks instead. He can use the time to think about everything that’s happening. It’s not like he will come up with anything different from before. But, sometimes, people need time alone to clean their minds and their spirit.

He doesn’t know how long for he walks. It’s already past eleven pm when he arrives home and he couldn’t care less. He doesn’t even bother to take a shower. He just gets undressed and gets under the cover.

The tears have been threatening to spill since he left Eliott’s place. He was able to keep them a bay. Otherwise, he would be crying in the street while people would look at him with concerned looks. Lucas couldn’t deal with that. But now, in the comfort of this bed and the privacy of his bedroom, Lucas let all them tears fall freely wetting his pillow. It’s not like he cares. He needs to cry and let go of all the emotion build up.

At some point in the middle of the night, Lucas is tired from all the crying and sobbing. He has got no more tears to cry. His lungs are still burning, and his nose is so runny. When fatigue catches up to him, Lucas lets himself sleep hugging the pillow that still smells like Eliott.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Watch” by Billie Eilish

**_Friday Afternoon_ **

Eliott didn’t come to school the whole week. Lucas is beyond worried, and he already ran out of ways to try to contact him. He tried to message and to call him. He even went to his apartment again. He got nothing back. There’s a void. And Lucas doesn’t know how to fill it. It has been pretty hard to even get out of bed these days. Lucas didn’t show up at school for two whole days. And he just ended up going on the third day because his friends were always there, persuading him to move on. But the truth is that Lucas doesn’t know how to move on. He doesn’t even know if he wants to move on. Everything’s pretty hard to understand right now and Lucas’ mind is a mess. His thoughts are everywhere, and he can’t really focus on anything right now.

During classes, Lucas would think about everything all over again. Not that he would come up with something new. But this whole situation is breaking him. He feels so broken, so damaged, so… dead inside. It feels like Eliott took Lucas’ will to life with him and left him with nothing worth living for. And it hurts so much to know that someone can make you feel so miserable even though it is love what you feel for that person.

Lucas hasn’t been eating this past few days. Every time he looks at food, his stomach turns into a knot making him even sicker. Today, Lucas is skipping lunch again. Instead, he heads to the library. A quiet place, without too many people looking at him like he’s some kind of freak.

Looking for the most hidden table in the whole space, Lucas heads to the farthest corner of the library. He isn’t paying too much attention to his surrounding, too busy with his own thoughts in his head. When Lucas leaves the trail of bookshelves behind, his eyes seem to deceive him. His hands turn into fists, his eyes are wide and round, his mouth is agape. He turns into a statue because he doesn’t know how to react, what to do. Eliott’s there, sitting at the table, listening to some music and focused on something on the other side of the window.

Is this how it’s supposed to go? Eliott came to school and didn’t tell Lucas. He didn’t even tried to talk to him when Lucas has been so worried about him. The smaller boy is trying to find the right words but before he can come up with something, Eliott’s looking at him with such and intense stare. But is it fear that Lucas is seeing too? For a long time, it is only Lucas and Eliott looking at each other like they are talking just with their eyes.

“I’m sorry… I’ll just leave.” Eliott starts picking up his stuff and putting it in his backpack, avoiding looking at Lucas.

As Eliott is getting ready to leave the table, Lucas wakes up from the shock. In an attempt to stop Eliott, Lucas only has time to grab his arm, making the taller boy look at the smaller one.

“Are you okay?” Lucas is whispering, too scared to frighten Eliott. Lucas eyes are glassy. He doesn’t know when it happened. But the tears are there, threatening to overflow.

Eliott sighs, looking at the ground. He’s not okay, Lucas can see that. But what else can he do? He doesn’t want to push Eliott too hard and risk losing him. It would be too much, and Lucas would never forget himself.

“I’m hanging in there.” Eliott answers after a few seconds and finally looking at Lucas again.

Lucas can now see properly how dark are the circles around Eliott’s eyes. It seems like he hasn’t been sleeping for days and Lucas just wants to hug him so, so tight.

“Do you want to…”

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I really have to go.”

“Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” Lucas can feel that one single tear run down his cheek. Lucas tried to keep them from spilling, but this is too much.

“I’m sorry.” Eliott doesn’t say anything else. He just turns around and disappears between the bookshelves.

Lucas doesn’t move, too appalled by what just happened. Did he just lose Eliott for ever? Is it really over?

 

**_Friday Night_ **

When classes are over, Lucas feels like he needs to get away from everything and everyone. He feels like he might explode at any moment. So, instead of going home, Lucas just walks with no direction. Before he knows it, it’s getting dark. But he doesn’t feel like going home yet. Alternatively, Lucas goes to the park. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision Lucas came up with today. Here, at the park, Lucas shared so many moments with Eliott. There are so many memories from the two of them Lucas didn’t even realized they existed. He doesn’t care if he is alone. He just wanders in there, between the trees and the lakes hoping that things get better soon.

Lucas ends up sitting under the same tree where he and Eliott were a few days ago. He just misses his boyfriend so much that he needs something to relieve his sorrow. On that day, they talked about the future. How they would be old but still madly in love. Maybe that’s what hurts Lucas the most. The fact that Eliott seemed so committed to their relationship and now everything is ruined. It’s is quiet at the park. Lucas feels like he just shut the whole world out but the silence is broken when he hears his phone ping with a notification. It’s probably nothing, most likely to be his friends coming up with something to do during the weekend.

It’s almost eleven at night when Lucas gets up to go back home. He’s tired and really needs a good night sleep after today. As he grabs his phone to put some music on, he sees an Instagram notification of Eliott’s account. It’s like his fingers have a life of their own. Quickly, Lucas opens it and his heart stops, breaking into a billion pieces. Eliott published a picture of a raccoon surrounded by darkness. Lucas doesn’t know what it means but knows he has to do something when a melody starts playing and all he hears is:

_“Take me to the rooftop_

_I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue_

_Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious_

_Leave me like you do_

_If you need me, wanna see me_

_Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon”_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Shattered ” by Trading Yesterday

**_Friday Night_ **

Lucas is running as fast as he can. He doesn’t care if people are looking at him like he might be crazy. Right now, he’s only focusing on getting to Eliott’s place. His last update petrified Lucas. He just hopes he’s not too late for whatever’s happening. Lucas has been even more worried since he talked to Eliott in the library. Something was not right, but Eliott kept pushing him away and Lucas couldn’t force his boyfriend to talk to him.

When Lucas, finally, arrives, he stops at the front at the building of Eliott’s apartment. Last time he was here, Eliott didn’t open the door for him. What if Eliott doesn’t want to see him ever again? Lucas has been fighting for them, but he can’t keep doing it if it’s only him wanting to make things work out. Yet, he can’t back down now. There is too much at stake.

Lucas doesn’t have a key to get in, so he just buzzes a few apartments saying that he lost his keys and, eventually, someone let him in. He doesn’t wait for the lift, going for the stairs instead. But when he gets to Eliott’s door, Lucas just stands there. Suddenly, all his strength is gone. He is so, so scared that he can’t help Eliott any longer. He can feel himself lose hope.

All of the sudden, Lucas hears something break on the other side of the door like something was thrown against the wall. And when he least expects, he knocks at the door. He doesn’t care how long he has to wait to convince Eliott to get inside. He just has to for his and Eliott’s sake.

Lucas doesn’t stop knocking for a whole minute hoping that Eliott realizes how much he wants to see him and to talk to him. Suddenly, the door is being opened abruptly. Lucas takes a step back, already waiting for Eliott to yell at him. Instead, he just stares at the smaller boy like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Lucas is looking straight at Eliott as if they are waiting for the other to say something. Lucas notices how pale and tired Eliott looks. It’s heartbreaking to see someone so full of life fall like this.

Eliott tries to close the door, but something catches Lucas eyes. Eliott’s apartment is a complete mess. The books from the bookshelves are spread all over the floor. There are things shattered all around the room that Lucas can’t figure out what they were. He is scared. What the hell happened?

“What happened?” Lucas ’voice is trembling. Even though Lucas wants to know what’s going on with his boyfriend, he doesn’t want to lose him definitely.

“What are you talking about?” Eliott keeps staring at Lucas as he tries to make it look like everything is fine.

“Just look behind you, Eliott. What happened?” Lucas is getting frustrated from being pushed away by Eliott. When will he realize Lucas only wants to help him?

“Nothing happened, Lucas. Please, go.” The taller boy is closing the door when Lucas stops him as he steps forward into Eliott’s apartment.

“No.” Lucas doesn’t move. He needs Eliott to talk to him. Otherwise, he will blame himself for anything that might happen to him.

“Can you please leave me alone?” Eliott is raising his voice as his eyes start to get glassy.

“I won’t leave, no matter how many times you might ask me too. I’m staying, Eliott.” Eliott is looking at his feet, and Lucas wants to hug his boy so, so tight. But he’s afraid that the taller boy might push him away once again.

“Why?” It comes out as a whisper and it sounds like Eliott’s hurting so bad. Gathering all the strength he has left, Eliott is looking at Lucas again looking for something sincere and truthful as the tears start running down his face.

At this point, Lucas doesn’t care if Eliott will push him away or not. He approaches Eliott as he keeps looking at him straight in the eyes. As he lifts his hands to hold his boyfriend’s face, he gets even closer that his foreheads end up touching.

“Because that’s what people are supposed to do for the ones they care about. And I care about you so, so much, Eliott. I can’t let you go through whatever you’re going through without being here for you. I can’t see you destroy yourself and do nothing about it. I would feel so guilty if anything happens to you. Please, let me help you.” Lucas is muttering but he knows Eliott’s listening as he stops breathing for a few moments.

Eliott takes a deep breath detaching himself from Lucas, going farther into the apartment as he tries not to stop into any sharp shreds that might be in the floor.

“Nobody can’t help me, Lucas.” Eliott is angry. He tries to dry his tears with his hands, but they keep coming.

“What are you talking about? I’m here, Eliott. I want to help. Let me do that.” Lucas gets closer again, but he doesn’t touch Eliott. At this point, he might explode, and all this conversation can be over before Lucas knows it.

Eliott doesn’t say anything. He just sits on the sofa, legs bent and with his head on his knees. His hands rest on his hair as he keeps taking deep breaths. Every other time, a sob escapes Eliott’s throat. He might be trying to keep them from being heard, but he’s not doing a very good job at it.

Lucas doesn’t say anything. He just sits beside Eliott and waits. He waits for Eliott to say something, to move, to do anything. But he keeps waiting until Eliott’s ready to do it. He won’t force him. He can’t do that. He wants to support him every way he can. It may take some time, but Lucas knows what’s like to feel alone in the world and to be afraid to open up.

After half an hour, they are still sitting on that damn sofa. Lucas is getting impatient, and before he starts showing signs of it, he gets up and starts cleaning all the mess. He starts with the books, putting them back on the bookshelves. He doesn’t know in which order they were, but they are better than on the floor.

“You don’t have to do that.” Lucas hears Eliott say behind him as he starts to pick up the shrapnel from the floor. The smaller boy looks back at Eliott noticing his puffy red eyes.

“Well, I can’t just do anything.” Lucas says sincerely as Eliott looks at his hands twisting his fingers.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can see you’re going through a difficult period.” Eliott nods but doesn’t say anything to Lucas. Instead, the smaller boy sits next to his boyfriend, takes one of his hands and strokes his knuckles. “I’d like for you to talk to me. But even if you’re not ready or if you don’t want to, I’ll still be here.”

Eliott stays quiet glancing at Lucas from time to time. He’s trying to decide if he really should tell Lucas what’s bothering him. If he does, Lucas might leave him for good or he might support him like nobody ever did.

Slowly, Eliott gets up from the couch and heads to his bedroom. Lucas doesn’t follow him, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the door. Maybe Eliott wants to be alone for now. Yet, he can hear him go through some of his stuff in one of his drawers. Not long after, Eliott emerges from the room toward the sofa again.

He’s holding a piece of paper in his hand. He hands it to Lucas as he sits next to him again. Analysing it, Lucas realizes it is a photograph of a little girl with big round blue eyes, long brown blondish hair and a beautiful smile.

Lucas is trying to understand who she is. He wants to ask Eliott but the words don’t come out. Eliott notices Lucas’ struggle, so he decides to help him out.

“Her name is Ella. She was my sister.”

Lucas is struggling, because he definitely doesn't know what to say. Lucas looks at Eliott when it hits him.

“Was?”

“Yeah.” The taller boy takes a deep breath as he takes his hands to his eyes trying to stop the tears from making an appearance.

“What happened?”

The boys look at each other. Lucas is trying to reassure his boyfriend that he can talk to him while the taller boy is looking for something that might prevent him from talking which he doesn’t. Without taking his eyes off the photograph in Lucas hands, Eliott prepares himself to talk about what’s been burdening him for so many months.

“She was such a happy girl, so full of life. Ella was the kind of person who would make you smile even on those days when you only wanted to hide from the world. Some nights, she would come up to me and ask me to sing her to sleep or to read her a bedtime story. I mean, she was my little sister. I would do anything for her. I would protect her from boys who could hurt her. I would try to make her happy even if I was feeling down. I even left her paint my nails when she wanted too.” Eliott is smiling a bit at those happy memories when he hears Lucas chuckle next to him. ”She took ballet classes. She was one of the best, you know? She would have been great! Ella was always dancing at home with that big smile on her face. She once said she would dance around the world and would bring me little gifts because she didn’t want me to forget about her. But how could I? She was my precious little sister. I will never forget about her. Even after what happened.”

Eliott takes a deep breath, taking his time to try to calm his heart. He’s getting emotional, but he doesn't care. It’s Lucas he’s talking to. He’s seen worse.

Lucas holds Eliott’s hand intertwining their fingers. He doesn’t say anything. He just wants Eliott to know that he’s there for him, no matter what.

“Two years ago, I was picking her up from the ballet classes. She was so excited because her teacher had chosen her to be the lead dancer at the next performance. Ella was already talking about the sparkling clothes she would wear. She was so, so happy. That’s the last happy memory I have of her because from that moment on, everything turned to sorrow and grief. As we were walking back home, a drunk driver ran over both of us on the sidewalk. I tried to take her out of the way, Lucas! I really did! But before I knew it, I was on the ground and everything went black.” Eliott’s sobbing. He’s hurting really bad.

This time, Lucas doesn’t hold back. As soon as Eliott said his name, Lucas launched himself towards the taller boy hugging him close and strong. Eliott keeps sobbing into Lucas’ chest. Lucas tries to calm his boyfriend and he keeps rubbing his back telling him everything will be okay and that it wasn’t his fault. But, after all, Lucas keeps holding Eliott for as how long as he has to.

An hour after, they are laying down on the sofa, Lucas holding Eliott close to him. He stopped crying some time ago, but fell asleep right after from all the tiredness. They didn’t talk after all the venting from Eliott. But Lucas plans to assure Eliott that he’ll support him no matter what. For now, Lucas is happy that Eliott told him what was bothering him. Now, he can try to help him the best he can.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: “Carry You” by Ruelle ft Fleurie

**_Saturday Morning_ **

It’s eight in the morning when Lucas heads to the kitchen to make some tea. It’s not his home, but he hopes Eliott doesn’t mind. He goes through the shelves hoping to find some tea bags somewhere. While Lucas waits for the water on the stove to boil, he leans against the counter thinking about Eliott who’s still sound asleep on the sofa.

Lucas didn’t dare to wake him up the yesterday to tell him to go to bed. He just let him sleep and get some rest. On the contrary, the smaller boy didn’t sleep very well. He fell asleep several times along the night but never sleeping for over 30 minutes each. Lucas was too worried that Eliott would wake up and do something he might regret. Although he was tired and sleepy, Lucas didn’t mind holding Eliott through the night.

Eliott sounds so peaceful sleeping as his breathing his paused and relaxing. After Lucas had left the couch, Eliott grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to his chest burying his face on it. Lucas can only see his eyes, still closed, but yet so calm and pacific. His hair is all over the place. Yet, he’s never been more beautiful.

Lucas loves him. It took him some time to understand the whole concept of love, because the people in his life weren’t too keen to show affection. But here he is, loving Eliott with all he has. He would give everything for him, every single thing. It won’t be in a moment like this that he will fail Eliott. He will support him for as long as he needs to.

When the water starts boiling, Lucas makes two cups of tea and heads to the sofa. As he gets closer, Eliott’s already wake. He’s still laying down, but he’s looking straight at Lucas.

“I made some tea. I hope you don’t mind going through your stuff.” The smaller boy sits at the end of the sofa. “I made one cup for you.” He offers it to Eliott who takes some time to sit up and pick up the hot mug.

“I thought you had left.” Eliott says with a raspy voice from all the sobbing last night. He’s still keeping the pillow close, and Lucas finds it endearing.

“Why would I?” He sips it carefully not to burn himself as he sits down next to Eliott.

“Why wouldn’t you?” Eliott’s still looking at the smaller boy, not really caring about his tea that might be burning his hand.

“Look, I understand that...” Lucas is interrupted by Eliott, making him wonder if this is really going to work out between them with Eliott always pushing him away.

“No, Lucas. You don’t understand. I came here to live by myself because I couldn’t deal with my parents always telling me it was my fault. People always looked at me with pity. I had to wear a mask every single day so that I didn’t break down all the time and it was eating me up inside. I came here because I was hoping that I would feel better without all the memories back at home. And then I found you. And I feel so, so good when I’m with you, Lucas. But I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be happy when I couldn’t protect my sister when she needed the most. And it is all my fault. I don’t want you to be miserable all the time. I want you to be happy because you deserve it so much.”

Lucas doesn’t know what to say. Eliott’s avoiding looking at him, and he doesn’t know what to say to make the taller boy see that, in spite of everything that happened or that might happen, Lucas will always be there, wants to be there.

“You’re right. I don’t understand what it’s like to go through something like that. I can only imagine how hurtful it can be. I never had a brother or a sister, but I know that it must be horrible to lose someone that close to you. Even though it was not your fault that it happened, I can see why you feel so guilty about it. Either way, you shouldn’t deal with something this big alone. The situation itself is awful enough already, and I can’t imagine leaving you to deal with all of this on your own. I’m telling you again that I’m not leaving you, Eliott. You must think that I’m a pain in the ass, but I care too much about you to leave you behind lust like that.”

At this point, Lucas in sitting on the ground in front of Eliott. He has taken his hands on his, and he isn’t letting them go. He’s trying to make Eliott look at him, but he’s not being successful. But damn it if he won’t try.

“I don’t want you to think that I’ll force you to talk to me all the time about this or that I’ll make you go to therapy. I want you to know that I’ll be here to support you, to back you up when you’re feeling down. I’ll be here to help you go through the bad days when you might feel that it is too much to deal with. I don’t want you deal with it alone, because I can’t bear the thought of you hurting this much all by yourself. If you feel good when you’re with me like you said, then let be here for you. I also feel good when I’m with you, and you mean so much to me, Eliott. I would blame myself if I left you in a moment like this. I would blame myself, because you deserve all the good in the world. I’d rather have fewer good days with you that not having you at all, because… Because I love you.”

As if he has been struck by lightning, Eliott looks right at Lucas when his last words were spoken. The taller boy’s mouth falls agape as his eyes become wide with surprise.

“Are you for real?” Eliott still has a surprised look on his face while he keeps staring right back at Lucas as if he was trying to look at his soul.

“Do you want me to tell you everything from the beginning? I don’t think I can remember…” Lucas’ is trying to make Eliott smile with his dumbness. Maybe he’ll succeed in stealing a smile from him that he misses so much.

“No, that’s not it. Just… Say it again.” Lucas can see Eliott’s mood changing. There’s hope in his eyes, something Lucas hadn’t seen for so long.

“I can be a pain in the ass.”

“Yes, you can. But that’s not what I meant and you know it.” Finally, Eliott smiled like Lucas never saw before.

“I love you.” Lucas says sincerely with his eyes locked with Eliott’s and a smile forming on his lips.

Eliott’s is hugging him so tight he might crush the smaller boy’s ribs. Yet, Lucas doesn’t care about it. All he wanted was to be close to Eliott again, and now he is. He’s so close that he can even hear his heart beating so loud and so fast.

He hugs Eliott back putting his arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He loves to hold Eliott in his arms while he rests his head on his shoulder. He loves to be like this because he can drop some kisses on Eliott’s neck whenever you want. Eliott’s giggling as Lucas keeps running his nose along Eliott’s neck and collar, making Lucas harm inside. He can get used to this, and he’s sure he’ll never get fed up with this.

“You’re beautiful when you smile, you know?” Lucas says softly making his boyfriend shiever. He gets no answer, but Eliott’s presence is enough. They are enough.

“I love you too.”


End file.
